Ad Coelum
by difficultheart
Summary: She made a choice to save her friends, and sacrificed herself for the greater good. But what will be the price? Hearts will be broken, friendships will be destroyed, and lives will be lost. Nothing is as it seems. What-if situation. Severe AU. MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. Soma/female protagonist. Violence, crude language, and other mature content. In progress.
1. To the Sky

"What do you think we'll find?" Kota sounds upbeat as always, running a bit faster to catch up with their leader. "I bet it's some kind of new-type aragami."

"Maybe," Akira answers. She's a bit more distant than usual. Kota can't help but notice. After all, they're friends. They've only known each other for a few months, but they've grown to know each other through hard battles and constant trials. Plus, she ran right into a building right after answering him. Definitely more distant than usual.

"Are... you feeling okay, Akira?" Sakuya tries not to laugh as Akira picks herself up, dusting off her dark clothes. She has a feeling that the younger girl is letting her bright red hair fall in front of her face to hide her embarrassment.

"I'm fine." Her voice is a bit sharper than usual. But she clears her throat and stands up straight, pushing her hair away from her dark eyes and plastering a smile on her face. "I was just spacing out a little bit. Nothing to worry about. Let's just get this done and get out of here, okay?"

She tries to hide the glance she throws back at Soma, but Sakuya notices. The other team member has been quiet the entire time, trying not to be noticed. But Akira always notices him. It's almost painful to watch her look at him like a lost puppy, but Sakuya doesn't say anything. She has her suspicions of course, but she'd never voice them. Her own relationship with Lindow is... difficult. Akira had of course noticed, but hadn't said anything. The least Sakuya could do was return the favor. Besides, for all she knew, the girl could just be trying to get Soma to open up, worrying about his inability to make friends. She was a kind person, and worried too much about other people. It wouldn't be a surprise. Sakuya looks over at Kota, who has apparently been thinking the same thing. He turns red for a second before clearing his throat and turning away from her.

Sakuya shakes her head, trying to rid herself of those thoughts. It doesn't matter. Right now, they're on a mission. They can't afford to have two distracted people on a four man team. Akira straightens her skirt, adjusts her grip on her God Arc, and continues forward, keeping her head high. But Kota can't help but notice a slight droop in her shoulders. When he looks back at Soma, the other boy just gives him a small shrug and follows their leader. Too much thinking, not enough doing. Pushing worries out of his head, Kota shouts to the other two to wait for him and picks up the pace, giving Akira a hearty pat on the back when he reaches her side. Sakuya just laughs and follows along behind them, trying to keep her thoughts focused on the mission.

* * *

They don't expect to run into Alisa and Lindow on their mission. Two teams sharing the same target seems a bit shady, but none of them voice that thought, even though they all think it. Sakuya and Lindow share a look and both of their faces heat up for a second before she looks away and he clears his throat. Distractions seem to be running rampant today.

"Alisa, Akira, and I will go inside and eliminate the target. The three of you stay out here and provide back up just in case other aragami are attracted to the area. Understood?" Lindow sounds a bit more commanding than usual, but everyone simply nods their heads. "And one more thing. Don't die. Got it?"

They split up, Akira resting her hand on Soma's arm and whispering something to him before she runs inside. Sakuya is a bit intrigued as to what she could have said to him, judging by the way Soma is standing straighter than usual, but decides not to bring it up. The three of them remain silent as they scan the area for any sign of trouble.

Shortly before reaching their destination, Lindow orders Alisa to wait just ahead and pulls Akira to the side. She knows what he's going to say to her even before he utters a word.

"About what I told you earlier today, about the Ark Project-"

"I won't say anything." Akira interrupts, giving him a small smile. "Better to forget about it for now, right? It's not going to hinder me during the battle, I promise."

"Are you sure?" Lindow is searching her face, trying to find any doubt that might be lingering just beneath the surface.

"I'm sure. You don't have to worry about me all the time, you know." She laughs and gives him a gentle punch on the arm, a crooked smile lighting up her face. "I'm not gonna break your one rule. I mean..." Her smile falters for a second. "It did take me by surprise. Everything you told me. And honestly, I'm not sure why you told me instead of Sakuya or Soma. But it's not important right now."

"Good girl." That's his only response, and he reaches out to muss up her hair. She protests and punches his arm again, but they're both smiling. "Now let's go get this over with and celebrate with some rationed beer."

They catch up to Alisa, who simply gives them a confused look, but doesn't ask what they were talking about. Together they walk into the central room of the ruined cathedral. Akira wanders a bit ahead of them, taking in the crumbling marble columns and fragments of stained glass littering the floor. It crunches beneath her boots with every step and she almost feels guilty, as if she's somehow tarnishing the beauty of this ruined place even further. Sunlight is filtering in at an angle, and she figures it's almost sunset. She doesn't have a watch on, so she can't really be too sure. But the light filtering through the remaining glass creates beautiful shapes and colors on the ground, illuminating the dust that hangs in the air. Even with all of the ruin hanging over it, the cathedral struck her as beautiful in that moment, a tragic piece of art that stood as a memory of what humanity had once been.

But her thoughts are dashed as an aragami she has never seen before leaps into the building with a roar, its strange mane standing up and framing its head. It looks oddly like a vajra, but with the face of a woman instead of the face of a beast. As she swings her God Arc up into a fighting stance, Akira makes a mental note to look it up in the Norn database later. It leaps towards her and she leaps out of the way, sliding backwards as her boots fail to find a proper grip on the floor. As she struggles to regain her balance, Lindow rushes forward and slashes the beast in the face, dark blood splattering the ground. Finally finding purchase on the dusty, slippery floor, Akira runs forward and jumps up, slashing at its tail and allowing a small wave of pride to wash through her as warm blood mists in the air, splattering her face and clothes. She lands gracefully as Lindow takes another swing at its face, cursing when it jumps out of the way.

"Dammit Alisa, what's wrong?" Lindow's voice booms through the ruined chapel and Akira risks a glance back at the other girl.

Alisa simply stands a distance away, fear clear on her face even from far away. Her hands are shaking, her aim wavering between Lindow and the creature he is fighting. She's saying something in Russian, but Akira can't understand. But when her aim turns up towards the ceiling, Akira feels like time freezes. If the ceiling collapses, Lindow will be stuck alone with the aragami, and she'll be crushed if she doesn't step back and out of the way. But if she runs, she might have time to shove him out of the way. She makes her decision. Screaming at Lindow to get back, she rushes forward and puts herself between him and the aragami, shoving him away with all of her strength. He hits the ground and skids a good distance away before Alisa screams and shoots and the ceiling falls down in pieces between Akira and the others.

The agagami is stunned, pinned under some rubble, and Akira takes her chance. Pressing herself between the rubble blocking her off from her friends, she coughs and fights to speak loud enough for Lindow to hear her.

"Lindow, get out of here!" Her voice is hoarse from the dirt and dust hanging in the air, and it hurts to talk, but she has to get them out of here. She can hear other aragami coming, attracted by the noise.

"Are you crazy?" Lindow sounds pissed. "I'm not leaving you behind. You're not going to die, you hear me? Just... just give me a second, I'll get the others and we can break through and get you out."

A low rumble rises from behind her, and Akira knows the aragami they were fighting is starting to recover. She doesn't have much time.

"Look, we don't have time. Get Alisa out of here and I'll join you later." It's a lie, and they both know it, but she is trying her best to get her friends out.

"Akira!" She can hear Sakuya scream her name, and the sound of her gun firing. But the rubble doesn't budge one bit. She can hear Kota coming too, and Soma. ... Soma. A deep ache fills her chest and she leans against the wall of rubble separating them.

All she had wanted was to get Soma to open up. He had fascinated her, and saying she wasn't just a little attracted to him would have been a lie. It hurt her to hear him shouting about the aragami rapidly closing in on them, that they needed to get out. He is willing to abandon her. But she shoves the ache in her chest aside and speaks again, just loud enough so that Lindow, who she knew would be pressed up against the other side of the barrier, can hear her.

"Listen to me." She is overstepping her bounds, giving orders to her leader. But she has to. "Get out of here and keep researching the Ark Project. Find out what all of it means. Break into Aegis if you have to." The rumbling is growing louder, and she fights to keep panic out of her voice. "You have to figure it out and stop it. Tell the others if you have to. But if you die here today, no one will find out what's going on until it's too late. Please, Lindow. Go."

Silence is her answer and she knows she has to give that final push. She has to speak deeper to him, to his heart.

"Besides, you have to keep living for Sakuya." The dirt in the air is making it harder for her to breathe, her voice cracking as she strains to be heard. "You've got someone to love and live for. I don't."

"Fine." Lindow finally answers, but only after a long pause. "But we'll come back for you, Rookie. I promise."

"Take care of Soma." Akira gets no answer back this time, and she can hear their voices fading away in the distance. She can only hope Lindow heard her. Pushing away from the wall, Akira turns and picks up her God Arc again, facing the recovered aragami standing before her.

"Well. Looks like it's just me and you now."

* * *

The sun is setting, and the light in the old chapel has grown dimmer. Akira sits propped up against the wall of rubble, dirt and blood streaking her skin and clothes. She's worse for wear, and if she doesn't get back and get medical attention, she's not sure she'll make it to another day. But she takes a moment to rest, closing her eyes. She can feel blood trickling down her face from the gash just above her right eye. She can feel the deep, burning pain of the cracked ribs she's sustained. And she can also feel her injured wrist, although she's not sure if it's broken or sprained. Everything hurts, but in a dull, distant sort of way. It's strange, different from the pain she's felt before. Maybe it's the blood loss setting in, or the fatigue that feels like a heavy haze closing in on her mind.

But her eyes open when she hears a low growl and looks up to see another aragami. It looks like the one she just killed, but different. Stronger. More dangerous. There's no way she can win. But she still stands up, lifting her God Arc and letting it switch back to a sword, the dull blue metal gleaming in the dusky red light filtering through the windows.

"I might as well go out fighting, huh?" She's speaking to no one, and her voice is barely audible, wheezy and hoarse. But Akira figures those are good last words and rushes towards the aragami standing before her.

It jumps out of the way, much faster than the one she just devoured. It roars, the volume of the sound making her ears ache and her head pound. Akira stumbles backwards just a bit, but it's enough. The aragami lunges forward, its jaws closing around her wrist. She screams as its teeth rip off the armlet that had embedded itself in her left wrist, her God Arc disappearing into the creatures jaws as well. Blood spurts onto the floor in rhythmic pulses, and her legs give out. Tumbling to the floor, she can't help but stare in horror as shadows envelop her wrist and hand, blood pooling on the floor as a great, ripping pain fills her left arm. Everything is beginning to fade, and she's sure the aragami is going to eat her.

But then it's gone. No ominous presence, no great lurking shadow above her. Just silence. As her vision fades and darkness blankets her consciousness, Akira makes out the form of a girl standing above her, the moon shining behind her head.

And then everything goes dark.

* * *

**A/N: **Tense is a harsh mistress, let me tell you. Also, just as a warning, things are going to get darker from here on out. The next chapter is gonna be mostly in the past, just so I can get some relationships established and flesh Akira out. R&R apprecated. c:


	2. Family Honor

**A/N: **I figured I'd go ahead and get my talking out of the way first before diving back into the story. First, replies to the lovelies who left me reviews.

Reaper of the Rebels: Yes, she's going to be getting an aragami arm similar to Lindow's in game canon. However, it is going to be a bit different, and the way she spends her time until her transformation is going to be different as well.

Arekushisu Atsuhiko: Thank you! ; u; I'll be updating on the days I have off of work, so hopefully I'll keep this story moving at a fairly fast pace.

Okay, secondly! This chapter and a couple more following it are going to be a bit shorter, and they're going to be set in the past to set up Akira as a character and her relationships with others in Fenrir. I promise it'll get back to the action soon, but I feel like I need to set up some more background before I can continue on. Point of View will be switching around quite a bit once I get past the flashback chapters.

As always, R&R appreciated! c:

* * *

_Hurts._

_Everything... hurts._

_Where am I?_

_It's so cold._

_I can hear something. Who's there? Who... are you?_

_I'm so..._

_Hungry._

* * *

__"Akira!" Dad ran up to me, a large smile on his face and a letter in his hand. "Read it."

Dad shoved the paper in my hand and I gave him a confused look before turning it over and unfolding the envelope. It was awfully strange for someone to be sending us a letter. Most people communicated electronically now. But when I finished reading the letter, I wasn't smiling like Dad was. This wasn't cause for celebration. Fenrir wanted me to become a God Eater.

There was no denying that this was an opportunity to help out my family. My dad didn't make much money as a handy man and my little brother, Ren, was too young to get a job. The money I would get from being a God Eater would make life more comfortable for them, or at least as comfortable as life could be in the Outer Ghettos. They could buy nicer things, eat better food. But I would have to pay the price, and sell my life to Fenrir. I had seen God Eaters before, when an occasional aragami would break through the wall surrounding the Outer Ghetto. They looked human, sure, and most of them were young too. But they hadn't been human. Not anymore. No one could move that fast or use a weapon that large, but they did. God Eaters kept us alive, sure, but they traded in their futures in order to protect ours.

So yes, joining them would help my family in the long run. But I would have to make a big sacrifice, trading in my future for their happiness. I looked up from the letter at my father. He looked so proud of me, the smile on his face making his eyes light up. Just looking at his expression made my heart ache. Did I really have a choice, anyways? Fenrir ran everything. If they wanted me to be a God Eater, I would become one, whether I liked it or not. I sighed and closed my eyes, folding the letter back up before placing it on the old, threadbare arm chair my father loved. I looked up and forced a smile on my face for my father.

"I guess we'll have a God Eater in the family now, huh?" I tried to sound as excited as possible, but it came out a bit weak, my voice quieter than usual.

Dad pulled me into a warm embrace, tucking my head into his chest and resting his chin on top of my head. He smelled like oil and metal and cheap soap, the scents I had grown to find the most comfortable. His large hand rubbed up and down my back, and I buried my face in his rough cotton shirt, wrapping my arms tightly around him.

"Don't be so scared, darling." I could feel his chest rumble as he talked, his hands still rubbing comforting patterns on my back. "You should be excited. You'll get to carve your own path in this world, protect me and Ren and your friends. You're a smart girl. You won't get yourself killed. I believe in you. So don't be scared, okay?"

I nodded, gathering his shirt into my fists and trying to blink back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. His words were encouraging and comforting, but I didn't want to be a God Eater. I wanted to fix things, just like Dad. I wasn't made to kill and destroy. That wasn't how I was raised. Ever since Mom had died giving birth to Ren, Dad had made sure that I appreciated life, valued everything that had a heart and soul. Even if the aragami were monsters, I didn't want to kill. It wasn't right. But I had to. That was the fate Fenrir was forcing onto me, and I had to accept it.

Backing away, I quickly wiped at my eyes before giving Dad a smile. A genuine one this time, not another fake.

"I'll make you proud, Dad."

* * *

_Hungry._

_So hungry._

_Someone feed me._

_It hurts. I'm hungry._

_I want to go home._

* * *

__"Do you really have to go, Akira?" Ren was holding onto me tightly, his thin arms wrapped tightly around my waist. His face was pressed against my stomach, and I could feel his tears soaking through my shirt. "I don't want you to go. Can't you stay here?"

"I'm sorry, Ren." I smoothed down his unruly red hair, so uncannily like mine. "I have to go. But I'll come visit, okay? This isn't good-bye for good. Just for now."

His grip on me still didn't loosen. The Fenrir agents who had been sent to fetch me were looking increasingly annoyed, and I knew I had to cut the farewells short soon, or I would start off on a bad foot. I pried Ren's arms off of me as carefully as I could, gripping his shoulders and pushing him away from me a bit. His face was streaked with tears, and he looked up at me with big green eyes. I had gotten dad's dark brown eyes, but Ren had gotten Mom's eyes, clear and green and beautiful even when they were brimming with tears. It was hard to look at him.

Kneeling down, I brushed his hair out of his face and cupped his cheeks in my hands, rubbing my thumbs across his cheekbones. Ren was only six, eleven years younger than me. He wasn't ready to lose another member of his family. Even though I wanted to cry and embrace him and never let go, I had to stay strong for him. Breaking down would only upset him more. So I smiled and leaned forward, pressing my forehead to his.

"Stay strong for me, okay? Grow big and tough and look after Dad." I could feel him shaking, his hands gripping my wrists as if I would simply crumble away if he let go. "I'll visit every chance I get. But I have to do this, so you can be happy and safe."

"Okay." His voice trembled, and a sob caught in his throat as he leaned heavily into me. "I'll wait for you, Akira. And I'll keep Daddy safe for you."

Tears began to well up in my eyes and I pressed a swift kiss to Ren's forehead before standing up and slipping my wrists out of his grasp. Before he could see me crying, I turned my back and walked away. One of the agents placed a hand on my shoulder, and I didn't bother shaking him off. I covered my face with my hands and cried as I was led away from my family and my future, my brother's cries fading in the distance.

* * *

_Dad. Ren. It hurts._

_I want to go home._


End file.
